My inner Voice.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Parisian Sparkle is proud and happy to present: the NEW official logo of “ PTSD Beautiful Trauma “ (#Sssshhh!!).
A mouth with red and pink lips and the “sssshhhhh!!”
My first inspiration came in November 2019, when I took this picture of giant red lips in a Paris metro station. I had my Italian friend visiting me, so it gave me an excuse to take out my camera and shot Paris at sunset in its lovely dress of “lights” and grey shadows. The french poem on the wall, near the big artwork, mentioned a closed mouth.
I sent the picture to a friend, to see his reaction. It wasn’t a sexy teaser. It was just art. His feedback was “effective”. At that moment I knew that this beautiful artwork would be part of my self expression.
It perfectly suited the frontbar on the homepage of my website.
A closed mouth perfectly tells my story in three times:
First, last time that I have heard theses words : “sssshhhh they don’t want that we talk about it” was last year when one mate – workmate and friend – lost his life following an incident. My personal idea is that he abused of painkillers and alcohol. He was a dark angel. He fell one evening from fourth floor, schaffoulding , at his apartement. He reached for a friend in the afternoon, to say that he was okay and to say hello to everybody. He was promising to his girlfriend. And he was father of a 6 years old boy named Luke like Skywalker. In fact, he was a fan of Starwars.
Second time I recall that we had to shut up our mouth was in 2015, when I was victim of a fake alert at workplace during the January terror attacks in Paris. In the aftermath of those days ( we had still to live and overcome November worse horryfing simoultanous kamikaze attacks ) there was a closed doors press event which occurred as coverage. My company was excellent protecting our brand except all people involved in that special event , well, had to face a personal transformation to put it simply. I went through a variety of PTSD and was declared unfit to my job position until I was finally confirmed after 3 years. My social life squeezed. Friends let me down. I felt isolated ( it made part of my therapy : my medical restrictions said NO CONTACT WITH PUBLIC, NO CONFLICTS, therefore no relations with humans ). Panic attacks. Anxiety. Self sabotage. Anger outbursts. Tremors. Sleep burnout, hypervigilance. Despite all of it, I found the best teamwork – mentor/ doctors, counsellors, managers – that I could wish for. And made the best of it.
Third, last but not the least, a closed mouth reminds me of one specific moment, in 1994, when I was sitting in front of a neuropsychiatrist for my healing disorders and self harm. Those moments in time which put a milestone in your destiny. The doctor was an elderly Italian Gentleman, I was living in my hometown until 33 when I left for France, and he was asking me “come stai, oggi, Antonella”. How are you doing today?
Did you ever take treatments? Can you imagine the sensation of paralyzed jaws like muscles which can’t move and obey to your brain’s order to use your entire mouth system: lips, teeth, tongue, saliva, which united give form to your thoughts? And from the inside you can hear your feelings like screaming : fear, anger, sadness and a deeeeep compassion for your self.
Like a mummy buried alive in a sanctuary I heard my unique strength, definitely ALL my courage, saying …. “MMMMMHHHHMMMM”
A closed mouth, a bouche fermée, una bocca chiusa….
Does still make any sense?
Finally, today I choose to be grateful to my journey which gives me permission to talk confidently, in depth, about LOSS, TRAUMA, and MENTAL STIGMA.
My purpose is my service, my voice is MY SOUL comforting YOURS.
These are my Triggers to open my Mouth Up and start Talking…
PTSD Beautiful Trauma
Web editor, dreamer and author
‘Making of’
Miraculous.
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