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13731536_10209780743012935_7448196892798715792_nWhen I was a child, I felt like I was a special and unique being, who could impress the world and people around me, just by making an open smile. And, I liked this power to influence positively others just by being me. The best part of me was hopeful to make a difference, and literally, « heal or save the world ». Growing up, my shadow side soon manifested by mood swing, high sensitivity,

and « Jesus’s pain on the cross » that reflects the pain for humanity. Mother Teresa or Lady Diana did it better. Yes, that kind of girl who subscribes to WWF, Greenpeace, Soldiers Angels, petitions for release the Native American Prisoners (ever heard of AIM activist dakota Leonard Peltier ?), International Pen Friends, which thank’s god, still exists despite technology and enhances friendship, by snail mail, around the world. My role models were war or wildlife photo-reporters, archeologist, antropologists and etnologists. But also, writers and painters, whose storytelling dealed with the topic of journey and mental health (lost and beat generation ; Vincent Van Gogh), concentration camps (Primo Levi) and both World Wars literature. Hermann Hesse, whose dear friend was CG Jung, was a good company. And finally, sciamanic and mystic journeys, like Medicine Men I have encountered, in real life, definitely not by chance. My child dream was to live in an American Indian Reservation. Those tribe’s values were recorded in my dna. My wish was to be « adopted » by Apache or Navajo. And in my late twenties, I could meet Lakota and Blackfoot. As young 25yo girl, I needed to walk on the Wounded Knee, Sitting Bull’s cemetery, and riding the Black Hills, on a Harley Davidson, with a local biker. The brave spirit of Crazy Horse haunted me since I saw the mountain with his portrait, from my Italian telly. Two years after that, I rode to Santiago de Compostela, on a bycicle, to find out, on the way to the Saint Cathedral, that I wasn’t in love with the guy who came along. Worse thing I could do, it was to be honest and tell him, on a Xmas Eve, at San Giacomo Church, once at home. We do these things, that hurt people we love, the best we can so that they will learn the lesson from their scars. The same does the Universe, God, or Divine Love with us, when we need to grow up, and take to the next level.

In 2006, I paied my karmic depht, I left a good job in the city, and took a backpacker ride in Southern America, with a friend, for one month. Meeting other people from « hispanic » world, helped me with making the point on my defense mechanism. For sure, I wore my armor of invincibility. Until when, I decided to let my guard down with « prince charming », who made me decide to take the risk for opening my heart, first, and moving to Paris, second. The fact that he was a narcissist, and I am an empath, explains our perfect and scary attraction. Nevertheless, this kind of relationship is pretty toxic, and it took me a few years to overcome all the negativity of that story. And french Police support. The lesson was finally integrated, when another guy showed up in my life, and at work, I attracted the same kind of people. The question came along « What’s wrong with me ? » and when I broke down, in 2015, questioning my life, became a compelling priority. Of course, I can’t blame me on having experienced Paris attacks, or other stressful events, which made me loose my sense of safety and live trauma. But the long-lasting chronic stress season, at work, yes, I could do something, and I will do, from now on. If I was on my best health conditions, I would have felt less vulnerable, lonely and powerless. « Why did I act against my Self wellbeing? » « What the hell am I doing here ? » « Did I really choose it ? » These few questions call for answers, but as I learnt on the « Camino »(Life Path ?), it’s not the answer, that counts more, but the fact that there is a « Question », …All through my journey, especially in tough times, gratefully, I admit that I never really felt alone, and the fact that I am still here is a proof that my trust is stronger than negative affirmations, and that we are watched, guided, and protected by Divine Love. If it wasn’t so, it would be a huge waste of time and space. Definitely, finding your purpose, it makes all sense. All it demands is hard work. If you want to see results, start healing your soul, and become « aware », there is no easier way. Except ayahuasca, or a pill that erases your short-time memory. This is your choice. Blue pill ? Or red pill?

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